So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
