The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
