Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
