OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
