it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
