I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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