But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
