well you can't waste a boner
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
