hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
