did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
