There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
