Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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