Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
