he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
