my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
