Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
