God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
