you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
