I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
