Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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