I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
