saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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