I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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