this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
