he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
