Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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