my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
