sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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