dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
