I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
