Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
