its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
