it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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