Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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