I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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