goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
