i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
