So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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