so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is my gift to your gina
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
