I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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