her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
