On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
