I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
