Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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