i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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