also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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