He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
