I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
