I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
