i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
