I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
