Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
