no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
